Tag Archives: Santa

It’s hard to forgive a bully

I saw this cartoon on Facebook this morning. My good friend Tina Milano posted it, and I borrowed it to share here:

Rudolph and reindeer heads

Credit to the artist whose name is scribbled in the corner. Thank you!

The funny thing is that I was thinking about Rudolph and the gang just the other day. I wondered how little kids who are bullied (or are bullies, for that matter) relate to the song’s message.

As you’ll recall, because of his nose, Rudolph’s friends laughed at him and called him names. They shunned him and wouldn’t let him play their games. Pretty harsh stuff, right?

But, wait. The weather stinks, poor visibility – and Santa decides to use Rudolph’s shiny, red honker as the guide light for his Christmas eve toy run. A logical choice, but I always wondered, did Santa know the other reindeer were giving Rudolph a hard time prior to that evening? Did he care? And if he did, why didn’t he step in sooner and tell them to cut that crap out? Hardly seems like behavior that Santa would condone.

Rudolph, of course, is happy to help out but was possibly thinking something like, “Hey, suckahs – how do you like my nose NOW?”

But what pisses me off the most is that then, all those two-faced critters do an about-face.

“Oh, Rudolph, we LOVE YOU! You are so amazing! Honey, you’re going to go down in HISTORY! OMG, Rudy!”

Talk about sucking up.

If I were Rudolph, I’d tell Blitzen to kiss my furry ass. Suggest that Comet stuff his congratulations where the sun don’t shine. You get the idea. Freaking bullies. Now everything is just hunky dory? I don’t think so.

We’ll never know what happened after that foggy night of same-day deliveries. If I were Rudolph, I’d do something to those assholes who gave him a hard time, but being nonviolent, I wouldn’t resort to turning them into mounted heads on the wall. That seems extreme.

But here’s a 21st century twist to this old song.

While reindeer apparently are too tricky and devious for commercial use, Amazon is trying its best to match Santa’s feat. I think they even make some deliveries on Christmas day.

They have wisely steered clear of magic reindeer, but if Amazon’s soon-to-be-introduced drones are adorned with little red lights, I think we’ll all know where the inspiration came from. Right? At least drones are unlikely to pick on each other.

On that note, I’d like to wish a Merry Christmas to all, and to all a good night.

Pick a card. Any card.

So I just decided I’m not sending out Christmas cards this year. If we’ve known each other for a long time, you are well aware that I’ve always been unreliable in this regard. I’m surprised anyone sends me Christmas cards, ever, because you can’t count on me to reciprocate from one year to the next. It’s a crap shoot.

xmas cards

If you can’t decide which card I should have sent to you, Richie will be happy to choose one for you.

Here’s Richie with my array of cards. You can imagine which one I might have sent to you, okay? Some are holiday cards. One just has a snowman and says “Joy,” so that’s appropriate for atheists and/or believers of any religion. Joy is a good, seasonal message – short, sweet and nondenominational. It also just says “joy” on the inside. Minimalist message. That’s Joy Option #1.

There’s actually a second “Joy” card with a huge “Joy” written on the front with a picture of Santa Claus, but on the inside, it just says “. . . to you and yours during this wonderful holiday season.” If you don’t have a problem with Santa, it also is pretty much suitable for everyone. Click here for Joy Option #2.

See the big shiny red card that just says “Merry” on the front? Don’t be deceived by its innocuous cover. On the inside you’ll find a blatant reference to Christmas, so don’t choose this card unless you’re inclined toward Christianity. Fair warning.

I have two brown cards that imply a rustic charm, I suppose. I guess that’s why I bought them. I forget. The first one, which I bought this year, says “Happy Holidays” on the front and the message inside is so tiny and difficult to read, but says “Wishing you joy and peace this season.” I would say the brown paper bag-type design and minuscule writing suggests some reluctance to put too much emotion into the message. Hey. Let’s keep this tasteful and inclusive, okay? If you like that idea, pretend I sent you that card.

The last brown card has Merry Christmas and Happy Holidays written in a number of languages, tapering down from the star at the top to form a Christmas tree. You know how much I love to travel, so Buon Natale and all that might be your choice if you like to travel, too. The only problem with this card is that there is no message on the inside. None! That box, as you might imagine, is mostly full, because who wants to think up stuff to write on the inside right? If you like that card, pretend I wished you much happiness in the year ahead and maybe made reference to a big trip I know you’re planning in 2016.

xmas stamps

I’m sorry. Who are Hermey and Bumble? WTH?

When I went to the post office yesterday to mail out the Christmas Crack, I even bought a book of holiday stamps, specifically to use on the cards I am no longer sending out. I’m including a photo here because, upon examination, I realized that what they’re calling “Rudolph” stamps has four different stamp designs. There’s one of Rudolph and one of Santa, but there are two more characters I’ve never heard of. Who the hell are Hermey and Bumble?  Maybe I will find this out if/when I ever have grandchildren, but I can tell you now that these names mean nothing to me and I will only use those stamps on bills I resent having to pay by mail next year. Actually writing out a CHECK. Archaic.

Since I pay 99% of my bills on line, I’m going to have those Christmas stamps for months. As unpredictable as I am about sending out Christmas cards, I LOVE birthday cards (the ones that make me snort and maybe pee my pants a little bit from laughing so hard). Consequently, don’t be surprised when you get your birthday card in May or July with Santa or Rudolph on the front.

So, Merry Christmas, you all. Belated Happy Hanukkah (will one of my Jewish friends please tell me the preferred spelling, by the way?). Joyous Kwanzaa. Happy Festivus. And may the Force be with you.