Well, poo

The kit sat on a shelf in my pantry for more than a month. When is it ever a good time to collect a stool sample? I procrastinated. I flat out didn’t want to do it.

Then the election results came in.

Wednesday, November 9, 2016, seemed like a good day to shit in a box and mail it out into the world. And so I did. It was cathartic.

south-park-poo

Compliments of South Park

And lest you think it was also totally disgusting and I should be ashamed of myself (especially at my age, I mean, really), it was a legitimate action. My doctor recommended I take the less invasive, and less expensive, Cologuard© test that screens for colon cancer. If there are any worrisome results from this test, then yes, a colonoscopy will be required. If not, a little poop in a box will save me from having to participate in the full blown procedure.

 

While it may not work for the squeamish, it seems like a practical alternative, right?

On Wednesday, I found myself beyond caring.

So with unwashed, straggly hair, no makeup, and wearing a threadbare Bellagio fleece that my son advised me never to appear in public again (it’s still so cozy; I hang onto it to wear in the privacy of my home), I delivered my package to the nearby UPS store. The lady behind the counter asked if I wanted a receipt. I declined. I was afraid she’d ask about the contents, like they do at the post office. I also was eyeing everyone in the store, wondering who they voted for, my paranoia in full bloom.

I scurried out the door, back to the car. As I started the motor and shifted into reverse, I surprised myself with a tiny smile – the first since learning the election results.

 

3 responses to “Well, poo

  1. Lick 👅 ur wounds, and move on!

  2. Loved your new post. I’ve done that before and felt weird about it too. However, it is better than the alternative. Keep your chin up. Love, Mom

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