Today is my birthday. Hurray! Who doesn’t like a birthday, right? Any excuse for cake is my motto.

But some people just LOVE their birthdays.  Some extreme birthday lovers announce on Facebook at the beginning of the month that it is their birth MONTH and they proceed to celebrate in numerous ways up to and even after the actual birth date. Sometimes they wear tiaras (do guys ever do the birth month thing?) and are open to all manner of celebration to commemorate their appearance on earth.

Wait – again – do you know any guys who do this? Or maybe they do it if they have a wife who insists on birth months and are more or less forced to adapt to the same routine? Birth month celebrations don’t seem like a manly thing to me. I don’t know why.

What about big families? What if just about every month is some family member’s birth month? That sounds exhausting to me. They would also be likely to do Christmas in a big way, I’m guessing, so December would be frantic with or without birthdays.

What about the Duggars, that family on TV with 19 kids or so? With that many people, maybe they would be forced to have birth weeks. Or maybe they’re part of some religious cult (why else all those kids? I mean, really?) where they don’t even celebrate much of anything. I don’t watch that show because I feel a little ill every time I see the mother. Has she been breastfeeding for 20-some years now, or what? Isn’t she about due for menopause? One recent commercial said they have another big announcement coming soon and I’m thinking, fuck NO! Don’t do it! Keep your pants on and call it a day already! They have two married daughters now and a grandchild, but maybe they have some sort of sick agreement with the TLC channel . . . .

But back to the subject at hand, I have to admit that I am a teensy bit jealous of the birth month people. In order to claim a birth month it is imperative that you have a very doting significant other who will indulge your self-celebratory fantasies. A spouse with mixed feelings about the marriage is unlikely to put up with it, you know? Just saying.

Since I don’t have a spouse or boyfriend and even if I were to try to rope my only child into it, I know I am damn lucky to even receive a card from Chris most years, so the birth month thing is not an option. I suppose I could try to corral my friends into doing special things with me for a month, but I would have to pay for myself and make all the arrangements, which is as it should be. I’m not planning or paying for birth month activities for them, either, so fair is fair.

When all is said and done, I am far too much of a loner and curmudgeon to enjoy an entire birthday month, anyway. Today I had lunch with my good friend, Fran and, wait for it, I am having dinner with another buddy this evening, Sydney.

Whaaaaaat?!! Me? Go out two times in one day? Are you freaking kidding me? This is people-overload for me. I love my girls, but twice in one day is a lot. Fortunately, I have tomorrow to recuperate alone before meeting two more buddies, Chris and Cindy, for lunch on Thursday. Then I’m seeing sweetpea Ginny for lunch on Friday.

Holy cow! It’s my BIRTH WEEK, you guys!

Can a birth month be far behind? It’s a little scary to contemplate. Maybe it’s something I can work toward in my retirement.