Marry me, Bob Vila

I’m working (well, sort of) and waiting for my contractor, Doug, to come back. He was looking at the roof, then got in his truck and left. I take that as bad news because he is most likely off at the hardware store buying whatever he needs to repair said roof.

The only thing worse than Doug repairing the roof, however, would have been if he had come down off the ladder and immediately come to the front door to inform me that the entire roof needs to be replaced as soon as possible. Happily, that doesn’t appear to be the case.

I hope he remembers to fix the grout on the new bathroom vanity while he’s here, too. The tile guy he brought in to do that part of the bathroom remodel last fall was a sweetie, but grout has been crumbling and clumping ever since.

I’m also talking to a new landscaper who I think I’ll hire to take care of my lawn, leaves and snowplowing this winter. The current guy, Mike, was completely unpredictable. I never knew when he’d show up to mow this summer. The last time he came was Sept. 9, then he showed up again yesterday! The grass isn’t growing very quickly in the colder fall weather, but – did he just forget about me, or what?

So I’m putting it out there to Bob Vila and any other guy who can fix the roof and mow the lawn and rake leaves. I’m available.

I should also mention that any prospective mates must offer good health insurance coverage. I’m sick of paying these outrageous premiums. When you’re self-employed, the options are grim. I have to stop myself from laughing when someone complains about having to pay more than they used to, say $150 a month or something. Ha! What a joke.

So someone handy and with good health insurance. Being a good cook would be nice, too. And has to love to travel. That’s an absolute necessity. If you don’t want to go to Europe at least once a year (and maybe even pay MY way, too?!), it’s a deal breaker.

A good sense of humor and reasonably high IQ are very important. Decent looks would be nice. Someone who is kind and thoughtful. Probably a Democrat, or at least a liberal Republican. No born again Christians, please. No far right anything, for that matter.

Nonsmoker, light drinker, likes to read, laughs at “The Office,” not too into sports, but not prissy, either. Can spend a lot of time alone and be perfectly content. Good teeth.

Or barring all that, any guy who owns his own snowblower might do . . .

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